Sunday, March 8, 2009
attack of the inner emo
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Wednesday, January 7, 2009
My zombie attack surivial plan.
Although tere are several of these on the net, very few of them are adequate, let alone intellegent plans on how to get through the zombie D-day; and the next day, and the next. I, however, have constantly worked towards creating the ultimate plan, a survival guide that not only allows continued survival, but perhaps even an enjoyable one. Although some people have heard the plan, it constantly grows and renews itself, so I think its fair to set it up here.
Part 1; What we're facing.
There are as many different theories about the types of zombies as there are undead creatures themselves. It's simple to break them into 2 groups; shambling hordes of decomposing rot, and the fast, aggressive pain in the ass running undead. Surviving the two types works very differently, and your actual goals with both is different.
Slow, shambling hordes are wonderful for the apoclypse surviver. They're not to difficult to get by, easily distracted and very easy targets. Should you be caught up in an uprising of the shuffling dead, its easy just to take a site seeing tour cross country until you reach an uninfected location. Unfortunately, or super fast running hellbound are not so simple a matter. Since these suckers run much faster than you can, being spotted by one is a highling dangerous situation. Being spotted by a group is an agonizing death. Since they are capable of moving great distances overland quickly once the initial food source runs out, cross country ventures could result in an unfamilar, but still infected city. When these guys hit town, my advice is limited; theres not much you can do against millions of deathbrings hunting down YOU.
Its argueable how long it takes infection to occur, although all reports indicate that any open wound given to you by a zombie, esspecially with their teeth will eventually lead to another one of their ranks. A general rule of thumb that seems to be acurate is this; The smaller the wound, the long time taken to become undead, and the faster the zombie, the faster the disease spreads. Infection is not something that can be cured. Loved ones and friends who march in their ranks cannot be turned back. It's just impossible. However, should you find yourself facing infection, just take your weapon to yourself. Would you rather a relative be forced to gun down your monsterous corpse?
part 2; what happens.
With each type of zombie comes a different unfolding of events. The slow, shambling zombies rise from death can often be localized to a single city, because the poor blighters can't get away from their rising point before armies come and cut them down. Unfortunately, all too often a single escapee means another area of land infected, another culling of local residents. Since infection generally takes on quickly, its all too possible for an infected-yet-living person to flee across water, going to a different landmass before becoming a zombie, causing more hordes of undead to plague the world. These zombies present a much greater threat to all of humanity than the runners. While runners will find it impossible to cross bodies of water and plague more continents than the ones the initially inhabit, shamblers send their curse off with the living, to deliver across the water.
That said, runners present a much greater threat to people on their rising continent, as their capable of attacking and beating armed forces, using the sheer force of numbers gathered from their first city to bring down their enemy; and thus bring up their own forces. Find yourself watching news from sweating reporters with grainy helicopter footage about the armies ruinous defeat, and get yourself to coast quickly; others will be making the same journey, and you don't want to miss the boat.
part 3; how to survive.
All of this section deals with our old, frail friends who take over the earth at the pace of a snail. I'll explain why in the next.
If you see news about shambling horrors interstate, you might as well sit back and change the channel to Simpson's reruns. Armed forces better equipt than you will be preparing to bring down the undead hordes, and all you can do is chuck a coin or two in the tin for those people who collect money for relief efforts. However, find yourself in the uprising and you've got a different story. And that's where this guide will really come in handy. First, you need to get yourself a place to wait it out. Opinions here vary intensely; some highly reccomend large shopping malls for the multiple exits and massive food quantities, while others say barricading your own home is a safe set for success. Myself, I think you need something sneaky. A place you mightn't know well, but can easily get in and out of in multiple exits and can store (preferably already has) plenty of preservable foods and water. It'll change from person to place on where this is, but I can reccomend office buildings (preferable tall with more than one set of stairs. While zombies aren't likely to shuffle up to the 80th floor on the off chance theres some not quite rotten meat up there, if they do you want to get by them without a fuss, and that means another route.)
Now that you've decided one where to spend your zombie apoclypse, its time to collect your provisions. Now, less is better; you don't want to be running from uncertain death lugged down with the household couch strapped to your back. Here's the stuff I'll be collecting should the zombies hit the town. Firstly, a full on leather outfit. gloves, long sleeved jacket, a vest beneath it, pants.
Sturdy boots, perhaps steel capped to help your kick, and a full head covering motorbike helmet are wonderful choices for clothes. Try biting or scratching through leather and you'll have bloody fingers before a broken cowhide. It'll give you a great defence against the hordes teeth and nails, and I seriously reccomend it. Sacrificing manouverability is fine when its for survivability.
A sturdy, very high powered torch and matches are useful. The torch means you'll be able to move around at night, and should you hide out in the office building, it can be great fun swinging it around the city streets and watching the desperately hungry hordes of evil follow around the beam. Plus, intellegent, surviving people will track its sourced, and you may find yourself some company for the apoclypse, or at worst some target practice.
If you can find something like it, a sword or very long bladed knife will be good in taking down the minions of hell. You don't want to go rambo on them, but dispatching zombies in your path is a good idea. Of course, only removing the head or destroying the brain will nuetralize the zombie, so the longer the weapon, further away from the zombie you need to be, and thus the safer you are. At worst, Firmly attach a few blades to the end of a cricket bat, hockey stick or something of that nature. Take note of the firmly; it'd be less than perfect for that knife to come off and get lodged in your foot.
Guns are always popular, but unless your in the right country, it'll be hard to locate them, and ammo. Of course, if you can, go for it, but don't try to search them out too hard, or you'll waste time on other, more valuable searches.
Now, heres something you won't find on most surival lists, but is a useful tool; as many mobile phones as possible. Not brand new ones nicked from the vodaphone shop, but I'm talking about the older, "pre-loved" models. If you see someone phone, grab it. Odds are family and friends will eventually try calling it if their alive. While you can't keep them with you at all times, record messages on the answer machines of all you find detailing your hideout, where it is and what they should bring if they come. Put the message on, leave the phones stashed somewhere in your hideout you can check on 'em, and badda bim badda bom, eventually you'll have companions coming to join your surival group. However, remember to turn them all on silent; you don't want a hungry zombie following that sound.
Keep in mind with the shuffling horde, that unless you get unlucky and the whole world is brought down, your survival party need only be temporary. Eventually armies will be coming in to bring down those six feet under, and you don't want to be caught in the crosshairs. As soon as possible, make your hideout somewhere any human can tell holds, well, humans. Use big writing on the walls and roof, hang banners, whatever you can think of, do it. So long setting it up doesn't need too much time outside, and so long as it doesn't attract zombies (sounds you wouldn't normally here in a zombie infested city like music are out, and bright lights at night will bring them in like moths), it'll do the job. If an army man see's that, its possible that they'll hesitate before taking your head of your shoulders. Should you encounter an armed person, be sure to speak to them; in full english, no slurs. Don't slouch, don't mutter and defenitely don't lurch in to hug them. Seriously, mistakes have happened because of these things before. Once you've convinced them your othe living alive, be sure to prove your not injured. Otherwise you'll be quarntined with possible infected, and wouldn't it be a downer, surviving a zombie apoclyspe only to be eaten in the waiting room?
part 4; how to deal with running zombies.
This part ... is short. Why? There's almost nothing you can do. These buggers scream lots. If one see's you, they'll scream, others will scream, and you've got the olympians from hell on your heels. They move around alot, are more sensitive to where humans are then shufflers and are far more aggresive, which is saying something. Should you be stuclk in there attack, I can only offer this advice; get down what you wanted in life quickly. Tie off loose ends. Leave the insulting message on your dead bosses answering machine, finish off that book,go steal a copy of that movie and watch it before power goes down. Then, take off your head or something. Go out how you wanted. Just make sure your corpse isn't viable to become a living dead. The more people that do that, the more likely it is the plague is contained. Harsh, but true.
Well, theres my advice on surviving a zombie outbreak. It's different, but it works. Hope you keep this all in mind; one day it could prolong your lifespan by a few weeks.
Part 1; What we're facing.
There are as many different theories about the types of zombies as there are undead creatures themselves. It's simple to break them into 2 groups; shambling hordes of decomposing rot, and the fast, aggressive pain in the ass running undead. Surviving the two types works very differently, and your actual goals with both is different.
Slow, shambling hordes are wonderful for the apoclypse surviver. They're not to difficult to get by, easily distracted and very easy targets. Should you be caught up in an uprising of the shuffling dead, its easy just to take a site seeing tour cross country until you reach an uninfected location. Unfortunately, or super fast running hellbound are not so simple a matter. Since these suckers run much faster than you can, being spotted by one is a highling dangerous situation. Being spotted by a group is an agonizing death. Since they are capable of moving great distances overland quickly once the initial food source runs out, cross country ventures could result in an unfamilar, but still infected city. When these guys hit town, my advice is limited; theres not much you can do against millions of deathbrings hunting down YOU.
Its argueable how long it takes infection to occur, although all reports indicate that any open wound given to you by a zombie, esspecially with their teeth will eventually lead to another one of their ranks. A general rule of thumb that seems to be acurate is this; The smaller the wound, the long time taken to become undead, and the faster the zombie, the faster the disease spreads. Infection is not something that can be cured. Loved ones and friends who march in their ranks cannot be turned back. It's just impossible. However, should you find yourself facing infection, just take your weapon to yourself. Would you rather a relative be forced to gun down your monsterous corpse?
part 2; what happens.
With each type of zombie comes a different unfolding of events. The slow, shambling zombies rise from death can often be localized to a single city, because the poor blighters can't get away from their rising point before armies come and cut them down. Unfortunately, all too often a single escapee means another area of land infected, another culling of local residents. Since infection generally takes on quickly, its all too possible for an infected-yet-living person to flee across water, going to a different landmass before becoming a zombie, causing more hordes of undead to plague the world. These zombies present a much greater threat to all of humanity than the runners. While runners will find it impossible to cross bodies of water and plague more continents than the ones the initially inhabit, shamblers send their curse off with the living, to deliver across the water.
That said, runners present a much greater threat to people on their rising continent, as their capable of attacking and beating armed forces, using the sheer force of numbers gathered from their first city to bring down their enemy; and thus bring up their own forces. Find yourself watching news from sweating reporters with grainy helicopter footage about the armies ruinous defeat, and get yourself to coast quickly; others will be making the same journey, and you don't want to miss the boat.
part 3; how to survive.
All of this section deals with our old, frail friends who take over the earth at the pace of a snail. I'll explain why in the next.
If you see news about shambling horrors interstate, you might as well sit back and change the channel to Simpson's reruns. Armed forces better equipt than you will be preparing to bring down the undead hordes, and all you can do is chuck a coin or two in the tin for those people who collect money for relief efforts. However, find yourself in the uprising and you've got a different story. And that's where this guide will really come in handy. First, you need to get yourself a place to wait it out. Opinions here vary intensely; some highly reccomend large shopping malls for the multiple exits and massive food quantities, while others say barricading your own home is a safe set for success. Myself, I think you need something sneaky. A place you mightn't know well, but can easily get in and out of in multiple exits and can store (preferably already has) plenty of preservable foods and water. It'll change from person to place on where this is, but I can reccomend office buildings (preferable tall with more than one set of stairs. While zombies aren't likely to shuffle up to the 80th floor on the off chance theres some not quite rotten meat up there, if they do you want to get by them without a fuss, and that means another route.)
Now that you've decided one where to spend your zombie apoclypse, its time to collect your provisions. Now, less is better; you don't want to be running from uncertain death lugged down with the household couch strapped to your back. Here's the stuff I'll be collecting should the zombies hit the town. Firstly, a full on leather outfit. gloves, long sleeved jacket, a vest beneath it, pants.
Sturdy boots, perhaps steel capped to help your kick, and a full head covering motorbike helmet are wonderful choices for clothes. Try biting or scratching through leather and you'll have bloody fingers before a broken cowhide. It'll give you a great defence against the hordes teeth and nails, and I seriously reccomend it. Sacrificing manouverability is fine when its for survivability.
A sturdy, very high powered torch and matches are useful. The torch means you'll be able to move around at night, and should you hide out in the office building, it can be great fun swinging it around the city streets and watching the desperately hungry hordes of evil follow around the beam. Plus, intellegent, surviving people will track its sourced, and you may find yourself some company for the apoclypse, or at worst some target practice.
If you can find something like it, a sword or very long bladed knife will be good in taking down the minions of hell. You don't want to go rambo on them, but dispatching zombies in your path is a good idea. Of course, only removing the head or destroying the brain will nuetralize the zombie, so the longer the weapon, further away from the zombie you need to be, and thus the safer you are. At worst, Firmly attach a few blades to the end of a cricket bat, hockey stick or something of that nature. Take note of the firmly; it'd be less than perfect for that knife to come off and get lodged in your foot.
Guns are always popular, but unless your in the right country, it'll be hard to locate them, and ammo. Of course, if you can, go for it, but don't try to search them out too hard, or you'll waste time on other, more valuable searches.
Now, heres something you won't find on most surival lists, but is a useful tool; as many mobile phones as possible. Not brand new ones nicked from the vodaphone shop, but I'm talking about the older, "pre-loved" models. If you see someone phone, grab it. Odds are family and friends will eventually try calling it if their alive. While you can't keep them with you at all times, record messages on the answer machines of all you find detailing your hideout, where it is and what they should bring if they come. Put the message on, leave the phones stashed somewhere in your hideout you can check on 'em, and badda bim badda bom, eventually you'll have companions coming to join your surival group. However, remember to turn them all on silent; you don't want a hungry zombie following that sound.
Keep in mind with the shuffling horde, that unless you get unlucky and the whole world is brought down, your survival party need only be temporary. Eventually armies will be coming in to bring down those six feet under, and you don't want to be caught in the crosshairs. As soon as possible, make your hideout somewhere any human can tell holds, well, humans. Use big writing on the walls and roof, hang banners, whatever you can think of, do it. So long setting it up doesn't need too much time outside, and so long as it doesn't attract zombies (sounds you wouldn't normally here in a zombie infested city like music are out, and bright lights at night will bring them in like moths), it'll do the job. If an army man see's that, its possible that they'll hesitate before taking your head of your shoulders. Should you encounter an armed person, be sure to speak to them; in full english, no slurs. Don't slouch, don't mutter and defenitely don't lurch in to hug them. Seriously, mistakes have happened because of these things before. Once you've convinced them your othe living alive, be sure to prove your not injured. Otherwise you'll be quarntined with possible infected, and wouldn't it be a downer, surviving a zombie apoclyspe only to be eaten in the waiting room?
part 4; how to deal with running zombies.
This part ... is short. Why? There's almost nothing you can do. These buggers scream lots. If one see's you, they'll scream, others will scream, and you've got the olympians from hell on your heels. They move around alot, are more sensitive to where humans are then shufflers and are far more aggresive, which is saying something. Should you be stuclk in there attack, I can only offer this advice; get down what you wanted in life quickly. Tie off loose ends. Leave the insulting message on your dead bosses answering machine, finish off that book,go steal a copy of that movie and watch it before power goes down. Then, take off your head or something. Go out how you wanted. Just make sure your corpse isn't viable to become a living dead. The more people that do that, the more likely it is the plague is contained. Harsh, but true.
Well, theres my advice on surviving a zombie outbreak. It's different, but it works. Hope you keep this all in mind; one day it could prolong your lifespan by a few weeks.
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